Zlurpee Pre-Roll by Farmer’s Reserve
96 Points
Yesterday was 7/11, Slurpee Day 2024, at everyone’s favorite American-Japanese convenience store chain. Naturally, the timing felt appropriate to share my thoughts on the Zlurpee Rollz by Farmer’s Reserve, our California State Fair Cannabis Awards Gold Medal recipient for Non-Infused.
First and foremost, this product is a ghost online. My buddy’s cat has a larger digital footprint. Sacramento’s City of Trees Ventures, Inc. and their Farmer’s Reserve line are fully compliant and have been operational for 7+ years but suffered the common fate of having their social media accounts taken down by overzealous platform overlords.
Its packaging doesn’t afford us any further guidance. A massive joint wrapped in Elements paper arrived encased in a bare-bones black plastic tube, listing the cultivar and package date (5/20) only. The tube itself was unsealed and cracked open.
And the confusion doesn’t stop there. Some claim Zlurpee’s genetic lineage to be Granddaddy Purple x Bubba Kush x Sherbert while others list it as Zkittlez & Tropicanna Punch. Most evidence supports this being a Prime Cuts Nursery exclusive, an indica cross of original Z3 and Purple Punch. Personally and professionally, I’m a huge fan of Prime Cuts and their Founder John Houston, so this tasting already has some extra luster to it for me.
Online, tasting notes are similarly all over the map, with Zlurpee being referred to as “limey and earthy” while others detected its tropical, berry-like notes. While I did find it to have a pretty classic Z (fka Zkittlez) terpene profile, multiple other flavors were being expressed here, including root beer and spearmint. Have you ever tried the fruity V8 juices? This tasted a lot like V8 Mango Peach Medley.
The mouthfeel was also noteworthy, producing a sensation akin to what you get from drinking a resinous, oily IPL beer (e.g. Precious Oils by Alvarado Street). It's almost as if your tongue gets covered in a thin coat of clove oil as you smoke it.
While the preroll didn’t burn perfectly and suffered from some minor running, otherwise it was a flawless experience. Flavor remained potent the entire time it burned, leaving behind a trail of white ash.
Effects-wise, Zlurpee is a cultivar I’ll now be actively hunting for. It provided the same sort of heavy, full body and mind intoxication that you often find from old-school hits, like the first time you ever tried Bubba Kush. As embarrassingly cringeworthy as this is to admit, I was immediately transported back to college cross-country road trips, listening to suburban white boys attempt to freestyle over Datpiff mixtape beats.
So why did this product take home the Gold, especially given its laughably poor packaging?
Because this was a blind taste test. Sure, as judges, we take notes on the overall experience, including packaging, to help craft our reviews of the winners- but at the end of the day, it’s a contest of substance, not style.
If you put a bag in front of me containing every State Fair preroll competitor, the Zlurpee Rollz is what I’d reach for first because its effects blasted me off into lower orbit. The high was just pure buzzy fun, taking away every shred of anxiety and leaving me euphoric, absolutely loving life. It's a smokable vacation. The Pairist’s Whitethorn Rose (solventless) and Orange Creamsicle (solvent) Gold Medal-winning entries arguably might have produced better all-around experiences but the effects of the Zlurpee Rollz need to be experienced to be believed. It’s an ideal blend of the sensations most will desire out of their cannabis.
That is, if you can ever find it.
96 points.
Album Pairing: Odelay by Beck
Perhaps entirely due to the recency bias of seeing Beck play with the Los Angeles Philharmonic last Saturday evening, Odelay makes ideal bedfellows with the Zlurpee Rollz. Both are just flat-out fun, weird, and groovy. Everything sucks less with these two in play.
P.S. Did you see that shooting stars or aliens or something else was going crazy that night over the Hollywood Bowl? No joke, there are a few articles about it.
I mean I get it. His version of “Everybody’s Got to Learn Sometime” alone was worth the interstellar travel.
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